I’m so fucking exhausted! Insomnia drops streaks of white like snow falling in a hurry. It’s been dark for hours and thoughts fall heavier by the minute I’m trying to find peace but instead, my body tightens through the shoulders, fettled by expectation, exhausted wanting to breathe length in my form. Here I am lengthening, reach, … More Insomnia, streaks of self-entanglement
I’m trying to talk to you, anxiety’s on this freeway too, you are trying to follow your friend’s car in a town that’s new to only me. but, then my purse spills out every stray stowage out of my car and I’m trying to drive and grab my purse floating above my head Fuck, above … More Anxiety’s glaring distractions
Fuck off my beat Fuck off my rhythm Don’t steal it from me Try, vetting your own, go ahead bounce to that fro to be for me Underlapped, stabbing at edges, dat rhythm, get dat beat! Where’s the one? I’ll hold it in my thin hands I’m a holder Holder of tongues Of bong … More On your mark…
Wednesday the 1st of March Bear Mountain, Southern California Snowboarding was such a beautiful relief from the constant presence from the feeling, Everything is going to fall apart. You can’t think, You don’t feel anything, just everything This snow buried that large, red, flashing, sadist button ‘let the dysregulation begin’ Anxious needles are cocked ready … More Wednesday the 1st of March 2018
Happy fucking thoughts. . Anxious depressed thoughts are still allowed fo exist. Don’t erase your experiences and then wonder why you can identify your feelings. . Don’t erase your pain, feel everything. Its healthy. . * Happy Thoughts Sea Deepened Monster in pink. * .
You can share a background, genetics, time, space but that doesn’t entitle you to someone else’s experience. Not innately by being close to that person. No, do you expect others to understand you through osmosis? No, you tell others what’s going on in your life. If they care they will listen. Dialogue with transparency and … More Whispers and a quote, 12.4.2018
My bones flutters from the basic terror that inhabits my daily struggle. . Struggle forward. . My rickety but willfully unable body. I’ll stay strong in reserve. . But at last the sweet release of rest, of consciousness paused. . Then. Before the dreams formed of realist trample this once lucid ground. Usually for dreams, … More ruminations before bed, 12.3.18