You can share a background, genetics, time, space but that doesn’t entitle you to someone else’s experience.
Not innately by being close to that person.
No, do you expect others to understand you through osmosis?
No, you tell others what’s going on in your life.
If they care they will listen.
Dialogue with transparency and trust gets you closer to that person.
Relationships are built.
But people are change agents by nature. You have to check in to continue to listen and grow and share with another.
Time changes a person and that needs to be recognized.
Time means pain unaired unshared, maybe even intelligable to the context of your life.
But it’s not your life you are trying to understand. It’s another, someone that isn’t you. It’s another human, flawed hurting changing vibrating for life.
They have to tell you, they have to be able, ready, and willing to share what is painful to revisit. It’s an investment spending energy and testing trust.
Pain drains energy, leaches away constitution and anything else that helps regulate an already exhausting existence.
There are so many parts of a person hidden by silence.
How much trust is there in the relationship.
Shares of space and time, recipients of experiences.
There is too much hidden by the function social interaction and circumstance.
You can’t hear through context less advice.
Listen, not to the part the rambles of pageantry and staging.
Building that base for understanding, the bases why I am the way I am. That invlisable illness that’s oh so inconvenient.
I can’t respond in time to be thoughtful to comfort. I’m self soothing, moment to moment.
Too much energy is spent during regulation. Staying present and actively listening. Is fucking exhausting.
Acknowledging that you don’t know or understand or have the right context for to fully see someone else.
*Then that’s life and by saying, yes, I see you I hear you and I don’t understand your pain but I’m here for you.*
*Your pain is real and I can see your hurting.*
*I don’t have advice, though it may put my mind at ease to share. It feels active to advise.*
But this can do more harm then good because you’re ignoring context.
You’re not listening to that human in front of you, the one whimpering and hurting.
Speak your truth and be kind enough to validate another’s existence that’s so they can speak theirs. Theirs is separate from the context of your existence and that’s ok to no understand.
So listen to try to begin to understand another human outside of yourself.
Painting by me done in watercolor.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina